Training My Human

I never planned on training my human. Again. But new human, new training, I guess.

Suzanne isn’t a bad human. But over her years of living with herding dogs, she has become lazy.

Herding dogs are always looking for a job.

Being helpful.

Spoiling their humans.

Her former dogs woke her up on time for work,

assisted her with meal prep,

nudged her out of the way when she was about to step in dog poop,

and stopped her from crossing the street when a car was coming.

I am not looking for a job. I do not have that kind of time.

And Suzanne needs to be more independent. How did she get this far in life if she can’t safely cross the street and doesn’t watch what she steps in?

She wants to be alpha, so she needs to do more for herself. She has so much to learn.

She is far too used to her dogs doing things she should be doing for herself. In other words, she is spoiled.

Re-training My Human

I do not wake her up for work in the morning. She has an alarm. She should be responsible enough to set it.

If she sleeps until 7am, I will wake her because that is as long as I am willing to wait for my breakfast.

If she is late for that work thing, that is not my problem. As long as I get my breakfast first.

Our Morning Routine

Suzanne puts some bread in the toaster. She starts heating oil and some veggies in the pan. She walks away.

Seriously! She leaves the room.

I sit patiently on my mat where I am supposed to be.

I hear the oil sizzle. I smell the veggies cook, then start to burn. She has a human’s dull senses, so she doesn’t notice. I wait.

Eventually she comes running into the kitchen, and stirs the veggies. “Why didn’t you tell me Sandy?” she asks.

As if she didn’t know she left them cooking on the stove.

Apparently she decides they are not too burnt so she cracks an egg into the pan and stirs it around. When she is satisfied that everything is cooked, she turns off the stove.

Then she realizes she didn’t push down the toaster lever. So she has bread, not toast. She pushes the lever down and leaves the room. Again.

The toaster pops up. Her human ears don’t hear it. Eventually she comes back out.

And again, “Sandy why didn’t come get me?”

The Herding Dogs are to Blame!

Apparently Tala (a cattle dog-collie mix) was way too willing to shepherd (see what I did there) this human through her morning tasks.

Tala ran to get Suzanne when the pan started to sizzle or the toaster popped up.

Training my human with bad habits.

Sandy's Way

I am not a herding dog.

I am a beagle.

My hope is that Suzanne will decide the breakfast is ruined and I will get the "ruined" food she doesn’t want.

Training my human the right way!