Refrigerator Judgement
My attempt to apply equanimity to the refrigerator judgement zone.
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Sandy wants to help with this week’s post. That's because it involves the refrigerator. Sandy is very helpful when it comes to food. |
Approaching the Refrigerator Judgement Zone
You might not think of cleaning your refrigerator as a non-judgment practice. Perhaps there is nothing in your fridge that triggers guilt or self-recrimination. If that is the case, I applaud you. You are a better person than I am.
You obviously are more organized and disciplined than me. You apparently have no mushy celery, no brown-green salad soup, no sketchy chicken lurking in your refrigerator.
For me, cleaning the fridge is an emotional roller coaster.
Facing the Waste
I judge myself for wasting money on food I didn't eat. Foolish!
Worse are the meals I prepared, spending both time and money but then I failed to eat it all.
Sandy judges me, too.Sadness. Betrayal. “You should have shared with me!” |
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Too late
There are moments of sadness when I find something absolutely delicious that I forgot was in there. And now it's too late.
Guilt, Guilt, and Guilt
There are guilty moments as I look at the trash can with all that wasted food.
My parents’ voices echo from the past:
“There are starving children . . . I don’t know . . .somewhere in the world. . .oh just eat your @%$@ dinner!” (Direct quote)
But there are hungry children and adults right in my own community. Yes, I make contributions to our local food bank but probably not enough.
A new approach
I am trying to be kinder to myself, to view my choices with equanimity. Can I somehow view this waste as neither good nor bad?
It goes against my upbringing, but let’s be honest: ten years of Catholic school is a lot of guilt.
Back to equanimity. I can learn from this.
Equanimity
I can learn to stop lying to myself about how many vegetables I'm going to eat.
I can stop telling me that I want a salad every night so I should buy two bags instead of one.
I can be grateful for the fact that not only could I afford this food but that I am not going to go hungry because I wasted it. That hasn't always been the case, so I am indeed grateful. (But it also activates my guilt.)
It could be an opportunity to organize better. Shop precisely. Plan meals and actually eat them.
So much potential for growth!
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Or maybe it's just a chance for Sandy and I to bond over the beef is still safe but has lost its appeal. I rinsed the sauce off of it and Sandy gets an extra treat. P.S. Don't tell her I cut back her dog food tonight to make up for this indulgence. We’re trying to bond here! |
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